Resolving Conflict

  Ok, so this week we learned about a new topic but i'm definitely still thinking about the relationships week and I know that God is still working on it with me in my mind. Specifically, he's working with me on solving conflicts and learning how to solve them. Our speaker gave us lots of notes and advice on this subject but its definitely something personal that you have to figure out how to do for yourself... especially when you're living in a room with 11 other girls. Here, I haven't had any intense arguments or anything like that but there's certain people that do certain things that annoy you. And something I really am learning is that when you're mad/annoyed about someone/something- if you keep it inside you're only hurting yourself. For some reason, in the past, I've always felt like holding in my anger would make me feel better than the other person and happier- but really it just ended up making me more mad an more hurt. It's like built up anger which is totally not good! Anger is what ruins people and ruins families.

So really, confrontation/communication is key. But when you go and confront someone it has to be under the right circumstances and you have to be in the right attitude.  Right circumstance: don't say something at the wrong time and are you willing to be wrong and accept confrontation from the other person? Right attitude: are you being selfless or selfish? The hardest part of solving a conflict is laying down your own pride and being 100% selfless. As hard as it may be, going through confronting a conflict is totally worth it. Our speaker gave us a list of how to handle conflicts. Here are the most helpful ones that I found:

-focus on one issue rather than many issues (don't bring up past issues, keep it to 1 subject)

-focus on the problem not the person

-focus on specifics rather than generalizations

-focus on observation of fact rather than judgment of motive (don't assume their motives!)

*focus on mutual understanding rather than whose winning or loosing

-focus on granting forgiveness rather than holding grudges

I feel like with that list.. what argument couldn't get settled? All we need to do is remember to be selfless and be full of forgiveness and love! And really if you're ever in an argument go and pray about it, give your emotions to God, and then he will give you the peace and wisdom to solve the conflict in the manner i just described. God doesn't want us to be angry or sad and he calls us not to be! Ephesians 4:26-27 says:

"In you anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and o not give the devil a foothold"

God is so great! He doesn't want us to be mad and thats why all things are possible through him, even if it doesn't seem like it all the time... its the truth :) 

PS-- these pictures are from a bowling outing a while ago... we're not actually angry or anything- just being weird and it looks like we could be yelling angry or something. I don't have any angry pictures of our group- so thats a good thing.